Impending Wardrobe Malfunction
by deerskins
Summary: Wade offers to help Peter redesign his costume. / Pre-Healing factor AU with an established relationship


"You should start wearing spandex."

"_Spandex?_ Look Wade, I know that you like your costume to—"

"Work uniform!"

"Okay, your uniform, to be tight and snug but I'm not entirely comfortable with leaving little to the imagination," the brunette said as he unlaced his red high-top Converse then tossed them into the neat pile where most of the rest of his costume lay. With a groan, Peter lifted a leg up to his knee and rubbed his aching foot.

The two young men had earlier interrupted a bank robbery halfway across the city and were now winding down for the night at Wade's dinky little apartment. The mercenary didn't need a whole lot considering his job had him traveling more often than not. Wade's money typically goes towards weapons, travel, and hospital bills.

Wade, who was as shoving away his weapons into their appropriate storage places, turned to Peter and cocked an eyebrow at his boyfriend. He pointed his chin at the nursed foot with a smirk while saying, "You're going to be seeing a podiatrist regularly if you keep wearing those ratty old things. If you really insist on sticking with the Spider-Hipster look, which is super dorky but really super cute, have I told you that lately, then get some stylish athletic shoes. You know that Converse have no support."

Peter gave the older man a deadpan look then threw his goggles at Wade's face. The blond had a point about his shoes. And most everything else about his ensemble.

The eighteen year-old had been bitten by a genetically altered spider when he was fifteen but only recently had he warmed up to the idea of wearing a distinct costume to establish himself in the rapidly growing superhuman community. Peter didn't want to stick out, thank you years of built up low self-esteem, but Wade had egged him on until he finally caved. Before then he was just lurking around in dark clothing trying to look as inconspicuous as possible and in those days he was nothing more than an urban legend. So Peter ransacked his closet, threw an outfit together, and added spiders and webbing to his clothing drive the point home that, yes, he's a spider man.

Now for the past week Wade had been giving Peter crap about his costume.

Wade sat himself on the couch besides Peter and nuzzled his face into the crook of the brunette's neck. The mercenary's hot breath on his skin gave Peter goosebumps as ran his fingers up his arm and spoke in an unfairly sultry voice, "Petey, you would look so damn good in spandex. Just thinking about the way that fabric would caress your every curve makes me shiver. I'd want to rip that suit right off you like a candy bar and eat you up. Just absolutely devour you. Find out how many licks it takes. One? Two? Three? Or will the world never know?"

With a sarcastic laugh, Peter pushed Wade away and gave the older man an accusatory look while shouting, "Oh my god, I knew it! You do have an ulterior motive! This is all about eye candy for you, isn't it?"

"Okay, okay, so maybe that's what seventy percent of this is about," Wade confessed with a momentary pout. Before long he was throwing an arm around Peter's shoulder and he was back to being dead set on selling the idea of a new, skintight costume to his boyfriend.

"But seriously, Petey, you need something more aerodynamic if you're going to be swinging around that much. That hoodie? Weighing you down! By the way, a Mr. Liefeld called, he says wants his kneepads back. Apparently a pair of them crawled out of the 90's and found their way to you!"

Peter frowned as he looked off into the distance in an attempt to avoid having to look Wade in the eyes. Muttering, he said, "They're too tight and I'll chafe."

"Come on, you wear freaking skinny jeans. Which, I might add, always rip. Spandex is far more forgiving of your flexibility," Wade said while wiggling his eyebrows. Peter rolled his eyes. "Athletes wear the stuff all the time. And you won't chafe if you go commando."

"You're sick."

"That's debatable."

With a loud sigh, the brunette rested his head on Wade's lap while picking at a tear in his jeans idly. Peter hated it when his boyfriend was right. "Fine, I'll think about it."

"Oh thank god!" Wade cried out as he reached over to snatch up a notebook that was sitting on a messy coffee table. He flipped through until he came across a rather crude drawing which he shoved in Peter's face. "I already have some ideas, see?"

Peter sat up and playfully shoved at Wade then took the notebook from him. He turned through the pages to find several more costume designs. Some were inspired by comics while others were downright atrociously inappropriate—"A boob window? Seriously, Wade?" – but one full body suit did stick out. Though it did need a few modifications here and there.

"This one would be good if you ditched the armpit webs," Peter stated as he grabbed a nearby pen and started jotting down notes. "Bigger lens, too. Those small slots would limit my peripheral vision and let's face it spider sense can only do so much. And can we not have those webs obviously point towards my crotch."

The mercenary threw his arms around Peter's shoulder and whined as he buried his face in the younger man's unruly brown locks. "But then I'll never find your little Peter! It will be lost forever!"

"It's not little and I told you to not call it that."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Peter's initial outfit is Rosy Higgin's Spider-Man redesign done for Project Rooftop. Even though it's cool, it's rather impractical and I love the way it screams naive teenager.


End file.
